AirForceVirgin's Xanga

I need hugs!

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:54:09 GMT

I can't explain my absence, so I'm not going to try. I'm just ready to come back, and hoping all of you will welcome me home with open arms.

I will, however, catch you up on what has happened while I've been away.

-- 4.0 for the spring semester
-- 4.0 for the two classes I took in the summer
-- "Vacation" to Illinois to visit my husband's mother and her side of the family. The stories I could tell from that one trip alone are vast and colorful.
-- A very lame 4th of July.
-- Some minor marital problems as a result of being nervous about the upcoming deployment. Happened the last time too, so nothing to worry about.
-- Quit my job last Thursday and feel very unproductive now.

Alright, now that y'all are all caught up, how have y'all been?

That Obama is a character, isn't he?

A more substantial post in the coming days, but I thought I'd start off small and work my way up.

I've missed y'all!
-- AFV

Drumroll...

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 19:06:16 GMT

Hi y'all... how's it been hanging?

-- AFV

Just A Fun Little "Life Blows" Moment

Fri, 29 May 2009 18:09:43 GMT

It's official: The husband was tasked this afternoon for his next deployment. We know where, when, and for how long.

It's been one hell of a day.

Oy vey.

Jon & Kate Plus Eight Exploitations

Tue, 26 May 2009 15:06:51 GMT

Tonight, when Alexis Gosselin so innocently told her dad, "Daddy, I don't want you to leave anymore," my heart positively broke in half.

For those of you who don't have 81 episodes of Jon and Kate Plus Eight recorded onto your DVR, let me recap.

This past March my mom and sister drove up for a week-long visit, and it is a tradition after the days activities to channel flip at night-- this is how I am exposed to new and random television shows... so yes, I blame my mother for hooking me on this now-train-wreck of a show. I began taping it with a vengeance, and can proudly name all eight kids just by seeing them. I have my favorites, Leah and Aiden, and think Mady needs a good spank on the butt every now and then.

As I watched the reruns (since their last season ended almost immediately after I discovered it), I began noticing quite a difference between the earlier episodes and the most recent ones. The beginning episodes were exactly what the show was supposed to be about: how a couple handles the stress, and the major job it must be to handle eight tiny children. The later episodes were... not so stressed. Lots of vacations, which, obviously, were free, since having eight kids and supposedly only one bread-winner could not possibly finance a trip to Hawaii, or a trip to Disney World, or a skiing trip.

I sort of brushed this off though, thinking, well, it's good that they're able to provide these types of experiences for their kids that they probably would have been able to do if they had only had one or two children. So sure, that's great, go have fun. Then Kate's constant yelling began grating my nerves, and Jon's obnoxious attitude started getting to me, and I then began noticing that these poor children were lacking quite a bit of attention, which is possibly the reason for Mady's outbursts in the first place. I realize that giving the adequate attention needed to eight kids would be extremely hard, but they were ignored more than necessary. The feel good "I love you" moments were passed on way too often, and very little eye-contact was made with the kids unless it was for punishment reasons.

Then... came the tabloids. Jon's cheating on Kate, Kate's cheating on Jon, Aunt Jodi and Kevin sold them down the river to save the kids, divorce is possibly on the horizon, etc... and oh yeah, the season five premiere is tonight. WHAT?!

Tonight's premiere was awkward, uncomfortable, and a sad picture of a once very-much-in-love couple who turned in their marriage for free stuff, fake tans, and money. Oh, and yes, the kids. The kids were turned in as well, the minute the cash started rolling in, I imagine.

As Jon and Kate answered interview questions about their future marital status with open-ended responses that were chock full of subtle hints that divorce is most likely imminent, I was left thinking, and you're going to continue the show? Are you insane? These precious children who as of now are completely oblivious (for the most part, although Alexis has certainly noticed that her daddy is missing) are going to go through life with their parents divorce entirely recorded for the world to see, and you can certainly see the ramifications this will have on them later in life. I expect either one therapist or eight therapists individually will be making a lot of money in twenty years or so off of these kids.

Sure, they have all the right clothes, toys, a big house, and whatever else money can buy, but you can't buy memories and you can't buy a normal childhood.

I will not be watching the show any longer, and I sincerely hope that Jon and Kate pull their heads out of their bottoms, pull the plug on the cameras and work out their marital issues the correct way whether they divorce or not--- in private.

(And by the way, hello, again!)

No More 'Shattered Dreams'

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 19:12:08 GMT

Every three years at my old high school, the administration, and really, the town as a whole puts on a program called "Shattered Dreams". It's a simulation of a drunk driving accident that takes place on the school grounds.

Prominent students are chosen by their teachers to act as drunk driving victims, are made up with fake injuries, and are placed in a mangled mess of metal to give the effect of a drunk driving accident. A simulated arrest is made, "bodies" are taken away in body bags, "critically injured" students are taken to the local hospital, care flight is called in, parents come and see their child "brain dead" in the hospital ER... it's a very powerful and impacting program.

This year my sister filmed and edited the video, and this is the labor of all her hard work. Think long and hard about yourself, your friends, your siblings... make good choices, and don't become a part of someone else's "Shattered Dreams".

Here is the video

Enjoy, and please recommend.

Food for thought

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 21:31:53 GMT

I'm not a calorie-counter... as a matter of fact, I don't count calories, fat grams, trans-fat grams, cholesterol, sugar, or carbohydrates. My job is to eat food, not analyze it; of course, that's probably the reason I only take profile pics from the neck up, but hey, at least my taste-buds are happy, right?

I've noticed lately that there are certain edible items that my kitchen is never without:

Flavor Blasted Goldfish: X-Tra Cheddar: I actually hate the regular kind of goldfish since there's hardly enough cheese flavor to notice it's there, but the Flavor Blasted kind is sinfully full of cheesey goodness. I like to eat a few and then lick the excess cheese powder from my fingers. Not only is it a culinary delight, but it's incredibly sexy to watch; my husband positively drools at the sound of my slurping.

Chips and hot sauce: Being a thoroughly Texan girl living in a rural town in Oklahoma with a severe lack of mexican restaurants, the only thing that gets me through between visits back home is my supply of tortilla chips and hot sauce. I actually warm the hot sauce up in the microwave to give it a more restaurant-type taste.

Yellow squash: I can make a whole meal out of sauteed squash seasoned with Lowry's Black Pepper. This is one of my husband's favorite side dishes when I make baked chicken. This is, of course, seasonal, but the military grocery store I shop at is normally pretty good about having it on hand.

Honey mustard: I will eat honey mustard on practically anything-- pasta, tomatoes, cucumbers, french fries, sandwiches, carrots, chicken. It's absolutely the best condiment besides ketchup.

Fiber One granola bars: These help me give the illusion that I eat healthily, and they also do well to fill me up in the morning and get me through two hours of work and two classes before I have time to get home for lunch during the week.

Chef Boyardee Ravioli: One can of this is absolutely perfect for a quick lunch between classes and it's cheap to buy. It's more filling than a can of soup but not as heavy as a full fledged meal-- quick, easy, and light.

What foods do you keep your kitchen stocked with?

Life decisions

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:05:47 GMT

"Thank you for your service as well, it must be hard to be the spouse of a military member."

I hear this all the time from strangers who see my husband in uniform, thank him, and then turn to me and tell me this. It's weird to have people thanking you for getting married.

As a military spouse, I don't think I do anything particularly special. I love my husband, I pay the bills and continue on with my life when he's deployed and I give the house an extra scrub down when he returns-- much like any spouse would do if their husband was off on extended business trips for Corporate America.

The hardest thing, for me, is not the deployments. My husband is an Airman, his job is fairly safe, and when he deploys, he is confined to an Air Base, fueling up aircraft. Could things happen? Yes. Do I worry about him when he's gone? Of course, don't be silly, but for the most part, I have faith that he is one of the most safe places he could possibly be, which is next to those planes. Planes cost billions of dollars, and they would not risk losing so many at once-- men are easier to replace than machinery, as sad as that is.

No, the hardest thing for me, is living my life. The life that I dreamed about having, the goals I wanted to accomplish and the people I wanted to accomplish them around. I still haven't come to grips with the fact that the Air Force controls us, and until he's out, it's always going to be about him. What is better for his career, where the Air Force needs him to go next, how long they need him to be away from me. I find it extremely difficult to not throw my head back and scream, "WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT MY LIFE? WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT?!"

I have to remember, this is my life. This is it. I love him, I chose it, I have to deal with everything it brings. So what if I can't climb the corporate ladder because of constant moving? I chose it. So what if my kids won't be able to see their grandparents on a regular basis, and TRULY know them? I chose it. I chose him.

We are at a precipice, and I need to decide if losing him is worth it to see all of my goals accomplished, except with someone else by my side.

Will I ever find someone so loving? Who can comfort me like no one else can? Who has all the fantastic qualities of a great husband and a future-father to our kids? Who told me last night that he just wants me to be happy and if that means leaving him then he won't stop me? Will I ever find that again? How often does that come along in someone's life?

I'm 22-years-old and I'm being selfish. My husband is the epitome of a military man; he makes his way up the ranks faster than most guys in his shop, he goes above and beyond what is expected of him at work, he dedicates his time to community service projects on his off time... I can't ask him to give this up. He could make this a great career and do extremely well-- much better than society will allow him to do on the outside since it can't seem to let things go. I can't make him choose between me and the Air Force, and he doesn't want me to have to choose between him or being close to family and culminating a career.

How do say goodbye when all you want to do is cling to the hand that is wishing you farewell?

Backseat Drivers Anonymous

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:11:26 GMT

Hello, my name is AFV, and I'm a Backseat Driver. Admitting this is the first step to recovery.

I'm not a control freak in any sense of the word; I'm not particular about any of my possessions, I have no qualms about lending out books, clothes, or movies. I don't count calories or fat grams, my notes for class are not meticulously written, nor are they organized very well. I'd venture to say that I'm one of the most laid-back people you'll ever meet, and as a matter of fact, my husband says that's one of the things that attracted him to me; I was different from other girls in that I was able to go-with-the-flow and deal with things by saying, "Eh, oh well."

However.

Flying down the highway at 70 MPH shoves every ounce of calm and rational thinking that I possess right out the window, and ushers in bucketfuls of nerves, tension, and abrasiveness. During every curve we round, I can be found clinging to the side of the car, gripping the safety handles, and triple-checking that my seatbelt is securely in place. If we come within six car lengths of another vehicle my abdomen muscles start to clench, and I begin pushing back into my seat with my heels, silently stepping on an invisible brake in an attempt to get my husband's attention... and oh boy, it works.

Honestly though, he takes my subtle (ha) body movements as a lack of trust in his driving skills, which is entirely untrue. Cliche as this sounds, I really do trust him, but it's the other people on the road I don't trust. I always hated when my mother used that line on me when I was younger.

"Why can't I go to Teen Night at this club in Dallas on a Sunday night?"
"It's not safe."
"Don't you trust me?"
"I trust you, I don't trust everyone else."

I'm sure she did trust me, just like I trust my husband. I just have an irrational fear of dying in a firey car crash on the side of a highway, or falling off an overpass while taking the curve, and my body language is going to reflect those fears of its accord; I am powerless over those actions.

Still, those simple gestures are not what sends my husband over the edge, flipping out about my lack of trust; no, no, the only control issues I have ever possessed are manifested inside the hunk of metal flying down the highway, and I have specific rules as to what is allowed to go on inside.

First of all, music will not be blared, and I'd prefer he not listen to hard rock while driving ont he highway. The arguments that have been spurred on by this rule of mine are countless. My husband is a major Pantera/Bullet For My Valentine/Black Label Society fan, and he does not take kindly to having them turned down to a dull roar in any situation-- as he says, they're meant to be screamed. I'm sorry, but I don't see how you can concentrate on the road with that racket blaring in your ears. It's not safe, and he has never been able to get me to back down from this, no matter how many times he calls me "grandma". I'm one hot looking grandma, I'll tell you that.

I like to have about 10-15 car lengths between us and the cars in front of us, as well as the cars behind us. It takes a little bit of tweaking and work, but you can find a speed where you are the only car within a half of mile, save for the cars that pass you. This is my ideal spot on a highway, and it seems the safest. If I see an accident occurring up ahead, I have plenty of time to take precautionary measures. Husband doesn't have the patience to find this perfect balance, and he finds it to be a waste of time and energy, and this usually results in me turning into a ball of nerves, biting my nails and wringing my hands.

We cannot make long trips in the dark, or in the rain. Before I plan a trip home, I always check the weather forecast and if there is heavy rain due to fall either on the trip there or back, we do not go. I've been known to cancel plans because storms have cropped up, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I'd rather push back a visit than spend months in the hospital in a coma because we hydroplaned and hit an 18-wheeler. On that same note, we do not drive home in the dark. Basically, if I can't see 5 miles ahead of my car, it's not going to happen.

Maybe I am a grandma, and maybe I am being irrational and ridiculous, but as the old adage goes, "It's better to be safe than sorry." Or dead.

See, irrational! I know this about myself, I own this, and I'm not going to change.

After a particularly stressful 250 mile trip home from our parents house, I told Husband that at least he has found a flaw in me, because it was getting awfully hard to continue letting him believe I was perfect. He informed me, with a smile, that ship had sailed a long time ago.

Does driving bother anyone else, or am I the only one who will most likely be done driving at the age of 55 because the stress will be too much to bear?

?-?: Updated

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:23:19 GMT

I may or may not be back.

Love you all.

Edit @ 1:30 AM on 4-4-09:

I am coming back, but I am reevaluating on why I am here, and getting back to the reason I started blogging here in the first place: my love of writing, and my love of reading. I will be reading more blogs and writing about issues and ideas that I care about, and not worrying about the amount of comments-- if it happens, it happens, if not, then that's fine too.

I've let myself evolve into a more "me" mentality; I'm going to remedy that. I will be reading and commenting on many more blogs, and subscribing to more as well. One of my favorite things in the world is, truly, logging on here and seeing the wide array of posts on various topics. I've let the search for "Xangalebrity" status get the best of me, and I apologize for that. Again, I'm going to fix it.

Thanks to all of you for caring enough about me to want me back-- that means a lot to me. I feel good knowing that my writing reached you in some way.

So all of you get to writing, because I WILL be visiting your page! It may take a little while, because I have 730 friends, but I'm already in the "B's", so I'm getting there.

Cheers!

For Pete's Sake

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:04:15 GMT

Show of hands... er, or comments, of those of you who have ever, in your entire life, taken a 'hit' of marijuana, or eaten a marijuana brownie. Anyone? Anyone?

Anyone done it more than once?

I can pretty much guess that everyone, if you're over the age of at least 17, has partaken in some sort of illegal smoking activity, even if it was only once. Even if you haven't, you've been friends with someone who does it or has done it.

Someone very close to me was caught by the police at 18 with a small amount of marijuana as he dropped a friend off at high school; since it was on school property, it was big "no no". He was arrested and taken to jail where he spent three days. He told me it was a traumatic experience, and for the entire three days he laid on his "bed" and didn't move, not even to eat.

After his father bailed him out, he met with a lawyer and was told that the state was trying to make it a felony, even though the amount of marijuana in the vehicle was less than one ounce, simply because he was on school property at the time he was caught. This was devastating news, and suddenly it seemed like his life was all over.

In the end, the state dropped the charge down to a Class B Misdemeanor, and my friend was given deferred ajudification, and was on probation for a year. This incident scared him into leaving marijuana behind forever, and he has been a model citizen ever since. He joined the military, he's in school, and it's been eight years since all of this took place.

At 18, he was still a stupid, ignorant, and immature kid, but has since cleaned up and become a remarkable man.

But guess what? It still follows him.

The two careers my friend has always talked about pursuing were a police officer, or a nurse. Because of his record, he is not allowed to possess a handgun, unless using it militarily overseas, and many hospitals refuse to look past misdemeanors.

He is greatly discouraged. Who he was at 18 is nowhere near the person he is now, and to have something so small and insignificant continuously crop up and make life difficult on him is ridiculous. He spent three nights in jail, he paid $1000 in bond not to mention all the court and lawyer fees, did 500 hours of community service, and was on probation for a year in which every month he went and saw his probation officer-- he completed all of those things flawlessly, and yet still, eight years later, he's still losing out because of the same mistake.

Our justice system is seriously flawed when a small mistake at 18 keeps you from pursuing your dreams.