| | Look guys, I stumbled upon a copy of the official rules of Xanga-- and we all thought they didn't exist! Some of these are pretty scary... we should all watch our backs very carefully
The "Unspoken" Rules of Xanga
If you partake in any of these practices, you are obviously oblivious to the common courtesy that is a legal right of every Xangan. Everyone knows that the Xanga police are on patrol and if caught, you will be punished to the fullest extent of the Xangan legal system. Hate blogs && pulses will be made citing your obvious lack of intelligence and respect for common decency; floggings will also be administered.
(1) Timestamping for any reason is unacceptable.
This has been an unoffical rule for a number of months now, and many Xangans still do not understand the concept. Posting at three in the morning shows a lack of a life, and therefore should not be rewarded with comments on an updated version. Timestamping annoys people, and since the main goal of this website is to make everyone happy, even if it means sacraficing your own happiness, then it shall be done. Leave the "Update to Current Time" button alone, and quit making people delete multiple emails in their inbox, because as we all know, deleting emails is a time consuming and energy sapping task. The nerve of you to even consider it.
Punishment:
1st offense-- A downright harsh reprimanding pulse. Learn your lesson well.
2nd offense-- A berating comment on the post in question, while leaving NO eProps. We mean business, people.
3rd offense-- The third time you timestamp a post that you took the time and effort to write well and would want people to see, you will be defriended. Three strikes and you're out buddy; too bad, so sad.
(2) Being late to the bandwagon will no longer be permitted.
Suppose you hadn't longed into your private page for two days due to actually having a life and you find a barage of posts arguing over which is the better fruit: cantaloupes or kiwis. Well, good golly, you know that a cantaloupe could kick a kiwis ass any day-- you've got to get in on this discussion. Hold up there, buddy. That ship has sailed, we've moved on from that now, and it's too late for you. We don't want to see yet another post on this discussion since we've been refreshing our homepage every five minutes for the last week and have read every post on it imaginable. It's too much of an inconvenience for us to take the time scroll past your blog on our Universal Inbox when we realize the topic. If you don't hop on the bandwagon within the first two posts on the subject, you've missed it. Pick another topic, because we said so.
Punishment:
1st offense-- A pulse letting the Xanga world know how tired we are of hearing about cantaloupe's and kiwis. Small slap on the hand and a mildly bruised ego should do the trick.
2nd offense-- A comment --with NO eProps-- letting you know that your argument has already been done, and that you have no original thought, and should have realized that before you typed up your post. We will let you know that you have wasted our time and we will not forget it.
3rd offense-- You will be defriended. If you had only realized that even though you have an opinion on the subject, other people had stated their opinions first, and we all know that only the first three people to get in on the action matter, while the rest is just unimportant overkill, this wouldn't have happened. It's your own fault.
(3) Being featured too many times is cause for suspicion and exclusion.
Obviously, if you're featured twice in a two week period, you must be whoring yourself out to the Xanga team in the form of credits or technological favors-- I sure hope you are using anti-virus protection. While the idea of someone being able to write two quality posts back-to-back sounds good in theory, in real life it's almost impossible. As a matter of fact, according to our own opinions, it's never happened before.
Punishment:
1st offense-- We will write a scathing blog vaguely referencing how useless Featured Blogs are, how lacking in substance they are, and how the same Xangalebriy's are constantly featured. What about the little people? Gosh, this place is SO high school. Not that we care about popularity, since we're hard core writers, and are above that kind of vapid publicity. No, really, comments are a hassle, we'd rather NOT have to read what other people say about us.
2nd offense-- We will boycot your blog because you certainly don't need more recognition or another reader. We know this is a large blow to your ego, thus its effectiveness. We're waiting on your Friend Request begging us to take you back, which we will decline to dig the knife a little deeper. That'll teach you to get recognized by the obviously biased Xanga Team.
(4) Mass messaging is deplorable and will not be tolerated.
Messages are reserved for serious Xangans, who use them to talk about other Xangans behind their backs, and to flirt with one another. Mass messaging is never, under any circumstances, acceptable. This takes our time away from our real Xangan responsibilities, like disecting top blogs for deserved content, and having to delete a mass message every now and then from our inbox is just an absolute waste of our precious time.
Punishment:
1st offense-- There is no second offense. You will be defriended after your first foray into mass messaging. We take mass messaging very seriously, and we have a strict "Zero Tolerance" policy.
(5) Any opinion that differs from ours is wrong.
We are always on the correct side of any argument, issue, or opinion, and by choosing the other side, you are choosing the incorrect one. We try to take into account your obvious lack of intelligence and give the benefit of the doubt for being ignorant, however, this still does not excuse you from your punishment.
Punishment:
1st offense-- We will leave you a comment with one eProp, letting you know how wrong you are, why you are wrong, and that you will be expected to not be wrong again-- learn from your mistakes and change your stance on the issue at hand.
2nd offense-- We will write a response blog disecting your post sentence by sentence and word for word. While we may not have all the facts on the issue, insulting your character and opinion should do the trick in showing how superior we are.
3rd offense-- We will defriend you because it is unacceptable to have anyone on our friends list with an opinion that differs from ours, and since you do, it will not be a loss for us in the least.
(6) There is no excuse for bad grammar.
By now you should be using the updated version of Firefox, which comes with an automatic spell checker, and therefore left with no excuse for having misspelled words. It is inconceivable to think that anyone could live with themselves knowing they missused, even accidentally, the word 'their', or left out an 's' in the word 'Mississippi'. Excuses such as "in a rush" will not be tolerated because correct grammar is of utmost importance; much more important than making it to class or work on time.
Punishment:
1st offense-- We will leave you a comment, with a small sentence related to the content of the blog, but then a full paragraph schooling you in the correct usage of the misused word in question.
2nd offense-- Forget the sentence actually related to the content of the writing, expect a massive essay on the correct usage of the word, a full list of grammar books that come highly recommended and quick insult to your intelligence.
3rd offense-- You will be defriended. We do not allow anyone with such poor grammatical skills on our friends list. We are serious writers, so it is unacceptable.
Take heed to these rules-- there are undercover officers everywhere on Xanga, waiting for even the smallest of infractions, and then BAM! They descend upon your blog faster than critics on the stimulus bill.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
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